YOU BEEN BLINDED

KOBE BRYANT, FUNCRUSHER

Posted by HG on May 31, 2007

kobe-allstar-mvp.jpgWe all have a buddy or know somebody that has to one-up you no matter the occasion. You can mention something great, “hey I got a new job today” and they’ll come back with “I got a promotion and a 50k raise”. You could be discussing a tragedy, “I was just watching the news about that plane crash” and he’ll hit you with “I’ve seen two plane crashes live and I survived a shipwreck”.. Whether you call ’em Parade Pissers, Spotlight Stealers, or Attention Whores, you get the point. These people hate to see others shine.

 I wasn’t gonna write anything else about Kobe until something real happened… A trade, a free agent signing, Kobe storming the Laker offices, anything. His wishy-washy, “trade me, don’t trade me” media circuit has worn me out, even if I enjoyed it briefly. When the interview carousel stopped my thoughts turned toward Kobe being a classic One-Upper. If there’s an event that Kobe can outshine, you better believe he’s gonna try.

December 20, 2005: Scores 62 points the day that the Yankees signed Johnny Damon away from the Red Sox.

January 22, 2006: Kobe scores 81 points against Toronto on the same day that the Steelers defeated the Broncos and the Seahawks defeated the Panthers in the NFL Conference Championships.

December 29, 2006 and December 31, 2006: Kobe scores 58 and 35 (only 2 free throw attempts)..The final weekend of the NFL season.

March 16, 2007 through April 3, 2007: Kobe scores 65, 50, 60, 50, 43, 23(7-26), 53, 19(6-14), and 39. The NCAA tournament started on March 15 and ended April 2nd, and MLB had it’s opening days April 1-3.

April 6, 2007 and April 8, 2007: 24 drops 46 and 34 on The Masters which took place April 5-8. Kobe didn’t break 40 on the 8th for lack of trying. He was 14-25 from the field, but 1-5 from 3 and only got to the line 5 times.

May 26, 2007-May 30, 2007: Kobe starts the trade demands and calls them off. Then starts them again then calls them off all while the NBA Conference Finals, Indy 500, and Stanley Cup Finals are taking place.

It could be something, it’s probably nothing, but if any of you are planning to get married, graduate from college, or just have a birthday party, don’t let Kobe find out.. He’ll do anything in his power to make sure his day is better than yours.

DIGG IT  *  DEL.ICIO.US  *  REDDIT  *  BALL HYPE

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28 Responses to “KOBE BRYANT, FUNCRUSHER”

  1. thexfacta said

    I think Kobe should demand a trade to the Knicks.. It’s about time we came back to the top of the Game!!!

    http://thexfacta.wordpress.com

  2. D3 said

    You should trace TO’s accomplishments, too…LOL. Didn’t he have 24 catches the day Jerry Rice left the 49ers or something like that?

  3. Yazston said

    This has to be the dumbest article I’ve ever read…who cares about Kobe??? I paid more attention to Dennis Rodman and Steve Kerr than to Kobe. I knew about the Spurs walking over the Jazz and even watched almost the entire Yankees/Blue Jays game last night, but I hadn’t even heard of this Kobe crap until a coworker brought it up.

  4. Born Wisdom said

    On the 227th birthday of our nation, Kobe Bryant one-upped THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA by surrendering to Eagle County police after his arrest warrant was issued.

    One-upping his own country. That’s some bullshit.

  5. HG said

    ^^damnit

  6. The-XFacta said

    @
    Yazston Says:
    May 31st, 2007 at 10:39 am
    This has to be the dumbest article I’ve ever read…who cares about Kobe??? I paid more attention to Dennis Rodman and Steve Kerr than to Kobe. I knew about the Spurs walking over the Jazz and even watched almost the entire Yankees/Blue Jays game last night, but I hadn’t even heard of this Kobe crap until a coworker brought it up.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Umm you’re an idiot that doesn’t have SportCenter or the internet!!!!!

  7. puddlehead said

    HG–Kobe is that guy, for sure, but I think it’s high time we realized that if the world didn’t revolve around Kobe and his ego, the world wouldn’t revolve at all.

    Besides, you know Buss is having Jack Nicholson a la The Departed or The Shining have a little chat with him.

  8. Luke said

    For you “24” watchers (not Kobe’s 24, but Jack Bauer’s) I bet they could make a pretty good episode with Kobe trying to out-do Jack throughout the entire day. They could still call it 24, which would make Kobe happy. But Jack would win over Kobe in the end, because no one out does Jack Bauer.

  9. Adriano said

    luke, they’d never do that, remember, they can’t cast anybody taller than kiefer huahuahuahuahua

  10. Aniche said

    Hey, I remember waving at a white lady once.No wonder Kobe slept with her.That jerk!!!

    CHK OUT AMERICAN IDOL FINALE, MJ AUCTION,etc on my blog.
    http://thedailycolumns.wordpress.com

  11. gasdocpol said

    KOBE BRYANT DISGUSTS ME FOR YET ANOTHER REASON

  12. […] KOBE BRYANT, FUNCRUSHER [image]We all have a buddy or know somebody that has to one-up you no matter the occasion. You can mention something […] […]

  13. kreamer said

    Well I guess you can say Kobe’s a “funcrusher”.What’s funny is Kobe doesn’t even need a friend, he one ups himself.

  14. Beancounter said

    The sooner Kobie commits another felony, the better for the game of basketball

  15. Hahahahaha this is so funny! Its about time somebody said something! We all have funcrushers in our lives and now we have a title to give them. Thanks!

  16. chris said

    all you kobe haters, like beancounter piss me off. hes the best player in the game right now and one of the best of all time so honestly i think we are priveleged to get to see him play

  17. puddlehead said

    No doubt, Chris, but no one’s a Kobe hater. Well, maybe Beancounter, but why get pissed about it? Who cares? The man wants a trade, comes flat out and says it, and then retracts it on a Los Angeles station after confirming it in NY and Philadelphia? That is a bit weak. That’s playing the ends against the middle, and he deserves flack for that. That’s a personality thing and has nothing to do with the pure beauty of watching the man play the game.

  18. I’m so glad that Kobe is staying in LA. I’m a huge Rockets fan and I was worried that they would try to gamble away our players for him.

  19. Randomness said

    It would’ve been pretty cool to see him get traded to Denver. Just to see him suffer…

  20. gulfcoastpolo said

    The only positive about this is that Kobe wants to win and is truly concerned. However saying that how dumb does he think we are he goes on a station with Stephen A. saying on e thing and then a local station and says something else??? He deserves what he gets for not getting along with Shaq and his selfish play

  21. NUMBER24 said

    GOOD THING THEY DIDNT TRADE HIM TO THE ROCKETS I ENJOY THEM
    GETTING FLATTENED IN THE FIRST ROUND..

    WAR T-MAC NEVER GETTING A RING
    WAR LAKERS FIRING JIM BUSS

  22. Loanhub said

    I really hate the people who hate others shine. It really hearts.

  23. How ’bout them Pistons?

    http://ThunkDifferent.com

  24. nickwill said

    I think Kobe will stay right where he is. Although I’d like to see the Celtics offer Al Jefferson, Gerald Green and the No. 5 pick in the draft (and Theo Ratliff’s expiring deal if need be).
    I’ll write about it here in this new sports blog:
    http://usss.wordpress.com

  25. I love Kobe…
    He is after MJ and King James the best player….

    http://www.symbianworld.de

  26. Extra P. said

    Kobe is a porcupine crossed with a wolverine. Damned fun to watch him play, but a damned pain in the ass to watch him do anything else.

  27. abarclay12 said

    Your perspective on Kobe is interesting. It reminds me of that new Saturday Night Live character who tries to “one-up” everyone. Someone will say, “My cat died last night; I’m really sad. It was practically like my child” and she says, “Oh, well, I have 5 cats and they just died 5 minutes ago, so you can imagine I’m beyond sad. I also gave birth to them all, so my children, my cat children really did die.”

    They do this sketch like every other show, so watch out for it if you like SNL.

    Alright – I like your blog. Check out mine if you’re ever bored: abarclay12.wordpress.com

  28. redman said

    kobe is the best in the nba hands down and he has the highest rating every where basketball is watched or heard. who cares about any nba players personal life but noise… folks. that means you don’t have a life being in every body else life.

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